"GRAND OPENING"
VISUALS & SHIT
That's me, for all of those that needed a visual. Didn't want y'all imagining up some fat bimbo. Coox is the Name. I'm 19 years old and currently live in NYC. Let's get this show on the road.... SHALL WE?
GAME WORLD
"REACH FOR YOUR WALLETS!"
it's moments like these that call for Television Appreciation Day. That's right! Our favorite kick-ass metal dude is back! With his monotonous voice and odd fetish for naked cyborg chicks [OWW!], Halo Reach is probably THE most highly anticipated title of the summer hands down. Sorry Madden... Ima let you finish... but... NO seriously! This shit is makes me horny the gameplay's so solid! For all those that don't know about Halo, it's a first-person shooter that premiered and remained on the Xbox console thus becoming, arguably, one of the greatest first person shooters of all time. It's debut title Halo: Combat Evolved swept the nation with it's many crafty ways to kick ass. Whether you're shooting, flying, driving, or just socking someone in the back of their head, Halo has continued to make gamers want more. Like all main Halo titles, you play as Spartan-II aka the Master Chief, and just kill aliens before they dominate or destroy each other or mankind [so American]. What makes this title cool is, it's like an Alpha game. The story takes place before the first Halo game. I always wanted to know why the FUCK aliens surfaced in the first place. Anyway, make sure you grab your Halo Reach title on the 14th of this month, because I will certainly have mine.
"SEVEN EX'S? FUCK THAT."
So, I was prowling around my XBOX Arcade, and came across an ad for a Scott Pilgrim Game. Naturally, I had my doubts. most movies-turned-video games... oops. my bad--- Comics-turned-movies-turned-video games absolutely suck. But I looked at some screenshots and saw some dope shit. First off, the shit's 16-bit. Now those that know me KNOWS I love retro games (shit that's Genesis, SNES, NES, Atari, Mastersystem etc.). So Kez and I ended up downloading the game ($19.99) and the addiction began. GOD , this game is dope! Developed by Ubisoft, the Scott Pilgram game combines many obvious characteristics of classic games we've all played. The first thing I noticed was the game starts off with a character select screen that looks identical to the character select screen on Super Mario 2 (NES). Once you pick your characters, which, since this is a co-op game, you can pick up to four, you'll then see a map that looks exactly like the Overworld map in Super Mario World (SNES). The different castle locations have been replaced with the different "ex" locations. start the game and you'll immediately notice that the same old-school beatdown gameplay used in popular genesis titles such as Streets of Rage, Golden Axe, and Gain Ground have been reincarnated. However, the typical oldschool RPG stats are listed as well (similar to the ones used in Castlevania) DEF, HP, STR, LV. The more ass you kick, the more you increase your stats. You can also go into random stores located within the stages to get a "quick fix". Anyway, so at the end of every stage, you fight the Ex's. The boss sequences will remind you a lot of Megaman. The bright colors and fighting styles will remind you of Viewtiful Joe and Comix Zone. Damn this game is DOPE! Please purchase it! You will NOT be disappointed.
GOSSIP STOP
"DON'T RIDE THE WHITE HORSE"
From the hotel to the internet, "Crankdat" king Soulja Boy really did it this past month--- literally. Loud-mouthed, celebrity whore Kat Stacks, most famous for her crazy outbursts on youtube, is who he did that fucked everything up for him ever since. Story goes like this: Soulja Boy apparently secretly flew Kat Stacks out to Georgia where they'd meet at a fancy schmancy hotel. All of this happened AFTER she appeared on youtube shouting out the phone numbers in her celebrity black book. Guess all was forgiven according to a twitter DM session she had with Soulja (in the link below).
Interestingly enough, this moron meets up with her, fucks her, and Stacks craftily records a video proving the she NOT ONLY had access to Soulja Boy's hotel, but he was in fact, taking a shower. What a PERFECT time to snoop through his shit, eh? This is what the deviant did, and found three lines of a white substance that we believe are cocaine on top of a mantel. After shooting this, she ventures back into the room with a now, clean Soulja Boy and engages in some small talk about how no one knew of their secret date. Ironically, very soon after, the whole world knew! MUAHAHAHAHAA! Ah! And the saga continues! The youtube video was posted and the bullshit followed as Soulja boy's twitter overflowed with coke jokes that trended for days. 50 Cent seemed to have Soulja Boys back. One person, however, he decided to acknowledge was rapper Fabolous. and Tweet how "garbage" Fab. POW! ---and so the massacre began Anyway, the Tweef (twitter beef) didn't make it very far because the two allegedly made up and are set to appear on a radio station discussing the issue. Soulja Boy, here's some advice for you. Don't fuck bitches that have already exposed you. I'd think they'd do it again.
"WOE IS KANYE"
Grab the world's smallest violin from the closet, and play that bitch softly! Yes, he's back. Some say when he's not Bitching, he's whining-- it's multi-talented and slightly emotionally disturbed Kanye West. Musically, he's an artistic yet controversial genius. Personally, we dont know whether to tell him to shut the fuck up or be proud of his actions. Anyway, we all remember the famous Taylor Swift incident at the VMAs last year. IF you don't know, youtube that shit (the autotuned one is very catchy.... well I still think the Antoine Dodson version is the best). So a year later Kanye decides to bring this shit up again on... you guessed it, TWITTER. just go look at the shit. I mean it's quite depressing. He goes on and on about how he's sorry and he's immature, and sorry. I mean he even said he wrote a song for Taylor and wants her to perform it. Now THAT GUY'S SORRY! he's even following 2 people on twitter: Justin Bieber (of all fucking people) and Taylor Swift! ...awwww... Come on Taylor, HE'S SORRY!!!!!!!!!!! HE'S REALLY SORRY!!!!
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